Loneliness can be a crushing feeling and most of us know that being alone is not always the same as feeling lonely. You can feel just as lonely with a large group of people as you can if you’re by yourself, and many times, the reason behind this is because you’re lonely for someone specific. Yes, many times that someone specific is a significant other or a faraway friend, but other times, it’s someone much closer: yourself. How can you be lonely for yourself when you’re always right there? It’s easy if you’re denying your authentic self and not allowing yourself to be who you truly are.
Why You Deny Your Authentic Self
There are hundreds of reasons why so many of us deny our authentic selves. Here are three of the most common:
You Want to Please Others Do you think the only way to be happy is to be the person others want you to be? If so, you’re constantly shifting who you are based on someone else’s preferences or requests. It’s exhausting and it’s also sending a powerful message that you are not comfortable being yourself and are willing to change who you are and how you’re seen to make others happy.
You Don’t Really Know Who You Are Sometimes you’ve spent so many years people-pleasing that you no longer know who your true self is. When left to make a decision, you may flounder, wondering what it is you really like and want, and who the person in the mirror has become.
You Don’t Truly Love Yourself Sadly, a common reason why you may deny your authentic self is due to the fact that you’ve never learned to truly love who you are. You always believe that who you are is not good enough and that your flaws are so great that no one would ever love you if they could see the truth.
Recovering Your True Self
When you deny who you really are and put on masks for others, you lose touch with everything that makes you unique and worthy of love. This can lead to anxiety, depression, and unfulfilled relationships that are marked by codependency. Fortunately, you can recover your true self and learn to appreciate who you really are no matter how long you’ve been out of touch. Here’s how to start:
Spend Some Time Alone Many people who hide their true selves are able to distract themselves from the truth by staying incredibly busy. To get to know who you are again, you need to make alone time every day to spend with your thoughts.
Journal You can learn a lot about yourself simply by recording the events of the day and how you felt about them. This is the place to be brutally honest since no one will read your journal. By tracking your thoughts and feelings, you can connect with yourself on a deep level.
Listen To Your Body Our bodies have natural reactions to situations based on our true natures. The next time you have a physical reaction—either positive or negative—take a moment to figure out why you reacted that way and what it tells you about your authentic self.
Wearing masks for others is a never-ending struggle that depletes your resources, erodes your self-esteem, and always leaves you lonely for the company of your authentic self. Now is the time to step back and reconnect with who you really are so you can live a life of fulfillment and peace.